I fear this is going to be a cycle. I am not sure how to break it. You are a blessing and a burden I have to carry for as long as I can. You awaken a part of me that knows nothing but to hate and yet, you still hold my heart. It is still beating. Of course. Blood is thicker than any entities I know. But does it hold enough substance? It should. I hope so.
For so many reasons, I wanted to run as far from your grasp. It’s as if you suck every oxygen whenever i’m in the same room with you for too long. I always end up looking for some place to breathe. That’s why I am here. There’s a reason why I don’t live with you. Of course, you don’t know this. Maybe you do. You can see it, around. It’s obvious. I know you longed for it. We do too. But with you, it seems impossible. Oh how I feel the pang of jealousy whenever I see it plastered on their sweet, caring words and acts. We do not have that. We do not share that kind of relationship. I wonder why.
One day, I do not wish to be like you. But the longer I have to put up with this, the more things I absorb. I cannot let my transformation assume its final form. I’ve seen a cycle and I have to break it. I have to get away from you. I have to. I am better. I know better.